What 2012 Taught Me

Life gives you second chances because sometimes you aren't always ready the first time. 

RivertonProm '09

         I learned this lesson multiple times this year. The first time was with my husband. When I first met K. I didn't see us as 'long term material'. Yes, we did start dating officially in '11 but we got married this year&' I realized that despite our ups&' downs, through laughter&' tears, we were meant for each other. (This also happens to be a lesson I relearn on an almost daily basis.) If Kaleb hadn't given me a second chance, and vice versa, I wouldn't be as happy as I am today.

When Kaleb&' I first started dating again.

baby grae

Kaden&' I 

The second time I learned this lesson is because of baby Grae. As most of my readers know, he is my second baby. With my first, Kaden, I was in absolutely no place to be a mother. I couldn't even take care of myself&' so I asked my sister to adopt him. So when I found out Grae was coming, yes, I was very excited, but I was also very, VERY scared. There was this tiny little voice in the back of my head telling me, "You're going to fail again. You can't do this. Why do you think you can?" But thank goodness, I have this amazing support group, all of these people cheering me on&' standing beside me, shushing that little stupid voice. Yes, it still comes back&' yes, I am still scared. But I know I can do this. I know I was meant for it&' that this time around, I am beyond capable. It is a totally different situation all around&' it is going to be amazing.

Grae's 20 week Ultrasound Picture.

The next time I learned it was with family. And I mean ALL of my family-- the family I married into, the friends that I got to pick to be my family&' finally, the family that I was lucky enough to be adopted into. I realized that it was time to own up to mistakes, try to put the past behind me&' start my life over again, in all aspects. Family is all you'll have in the end&' I am so lucky that all my family, new&' old are in my life. I'm so grateful for them. Family matters most, even when they don't like me so much. I wouldn't be the person I am today without all of you in my life. 

You can't live your life for other people. 

This one is simple. I have a hard time of letting go of people, even if they're bad for me. But I'm learning, finally, that I can't make everyone happy. And God takes people out of your life for a reason. Think twice before chasing after them. Plus, life is SO much easier without all the drama! You can't enjoy the next chapter in your life if you keep rereading the last one. 

Don't let a bad memory ruin a great song... 

This one doesn't really need explaining&' it kind of goes hand in hand with my last lesson. I used to avoid certain songs because of the memories affiliated with them. But you know what? All those songs aren't only attached to a bad or painful memory, but also a lesson. I loved those songs once&' now when I listen to them, I smile fondly at the memory (no matter how bad or painful) &' then I enjoy the music. 

..and NEVER stop finding new music. 

Music is one of the best things in the world to me. I love when I find a new song that pulls me from the inside. Or when it takes me back to a memory, good or bad. It puts all my thoughts&' feelings out there. And that is the best kind of song to me. 

Springsteen - Eric Church

C'mon - Ke$ha

Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap

All Too Well - Taylor Swift

One More Night - Maroon5

Everything Is Gonna Be Alright - Joshua Radin

Blue Eyes - MIKA

God Gave Me You - Blake Shelton

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

Some Nights - Fun.

Exit Wounds - The Script

Take lots of pictures. 

april'12

footie jammies

People do have expiration dates. You will have bad days. Time passes way to fast. You're going to do really stupid things; those stupid things make great stories. You're going to want to remember now.

flaming gorge;summer'12

The little things. 
Laugh a little longer. Kiss a lot. Say I love you. Smile through the pain. Know that everything happens for a reason. Don't forget to say your prayers. Blog a lot. Don't be afraid to be you. Dance around in your underwear. Enjoy the sunset. Or the sunrise. Try something new. Take a chance. Treat yourself once in awhile. Sing at the top of your lungs. Forgive those who hurt you. Smile. Read lots of books. Speak your mind. Dance in the rain. Do something nice for a stranger. Don't be afraid to cry. Admit when you're wrong. Cherish your loved ones. Be more grateful, rather than hateful. Meditate (trust me on this one). And love. Love others, love those who have wronged you&' love yourself.

xo--E.Hunter

Dear Kaden

I found out you were coming to this world on a warm, breezy day in August of 2009. After sleeping all day long&' DESPISING the smell of chocolate, I realized that I might need to take a pregnancy test. Lo&' behold, 2 little pink lines. So, I took another. There was a plus sign.

I was pregnant.
I was going to be a mom.

Panic.
Excitement.
Nausea.
Joy.
Panic.
Love.

My pregnancy was very emotional. A lot was going on in that time period; I didn't really get to enjoy that time. It was a rollercoaster of emotions (and not just cause of the hormones!). I had my heart broken-- not just for me, but for you as well. I also broke a heart. I was so lost&' so confused, but one things stayed constant:

I needed you to have the very best life.

Before I knew it, May had rolled around&' I was counting the days to your arrival.

Finally, you were here. After a hard labor, a lot of tears&' finally overwhelming joy, you were here. You were mine. My perfect, precious baby boy. I had waited so long to meet you. You were perfect. You had his hair (exactly what I wanted) and my nose. You were so tall, your hands&' feet so big! I still, to this day, can't believe how beautiful you are. You were smiling on the day you were born. I stayed up all night, just staring at you. I couldn't wrap my head around you; how amazing. I believe in love at first sight because I'm a mom; because of you.

Please always know that I love you. And please know, that I tried. I wanted so badly to be your mommy, but I couldn't. I was in such a bad place. How could I possibly take care of you, when I couldn't even take care of myself? It wouldn't have been fair to you to drag you through my mess of a world.

So I did what I knew was best, what my heart was telling me: I decided to place you for adoption. And lucky for me, I knew the perfect people for you. Shannon&' Bryan. My sister&' her husband. They are the perfect fit for you. Shannon loved you so much from the day she found out you were coming&' I knew that there could simply not be a better choice. The day I asked her to adopt you, was one of the hardest days of my life. My heart was breaking.

Your parents agreed; they would love nothing more to add you to their darling family.

After that, I just... fell apart. I lost my way, I lost myself. I was hurting, but the most important thing in the world to me was that you were okay. And yes-- there was a lot of craziness in the time spanning to your adoption. And someday, you'll hear it all. All of the messiness, hear about the tears shed, the frustrations, and the happy times too.

It took me a long time, but I finally got myself to a place where I was healthy again. And you grew up so fast. You're so smart, so handsome, so funny. Everyone says you look like me, have little quirks like I do. I feel like I got all of that from you. You've taught me so much..

After 2 years, we got the news that the adoption could finally take place; what a bittersweet day that was. My heart broke again&' again as I signed those papers, but seeing you with your family, your amazing mom, sisters&' daddy, I knew that this was right. This was why you were sent to me.

I am so proud of the person you are becoming&' I hope someday you'll be proud of me too. I can't wait to keep watching you grow, hear about all the funny things you do. I am so blessed to have you in my life&' so grateful for your family.

I love you more than you will ever know, Kaden, my little burrito.

Love always,
     me.


Please like&' share my new Facebook page for adoption support-- 

www.facebook.com/BirthMotherFirstMother

merry&' bright..

Just a quick post to wish all my followers, stumble upon-ers&' stalkers a happy holiday season!

I hope that your holiday season is filled with love, laughter&' happily ever after.

xo - The Hunters

Our '12 Family Christmas Card

Welcome To The World

Well, he is here. My sweet, perfect, precious boy is FINALLY here. I know I'm a tiny bit late (c'mon, give me a break!) posting his birth story, but this is the first time I've been able to sit down at the computer&' type it out.

But before I get to that, I just want to take a moment to express how truly grateful I am to all of my family&' friends. All I really wanted for my baby boy is unconditional love&' he has that&' more. It overwhelms me when I think about (and see) it. He is so blessed&' so lucky to have each&' everyone of you in his world. I hope that he grows up seeing himself in all of your eyes&' seeing how loved he is. Thank you, thank you, thank you all so much.

~~~~~

December 5, 2012 was a chilly, breezy morning. The husband&' I were up&' on our way to the hospital bright&' early. 

heading to the hospital.

We were admitted into Labor&' Delivery, did the usual run down (allergies, etc.) &'then waited for my doctor.

 Once he arrived, they decided to see if they could get my water to break. Unfortunately, that didn't work&' my doctor gave orders to start the Pitocin to get things moving (my body doesn't cooperate during labor). Right as he left the room, about  my water broke. 

We were in for the long haul. 

So the nurse did her thing (checked to make sure it was actually my water, hooked up my IV, etc.) &'we were on our way&' playing the waiting game. 

Just watching contractions..

...and waiting....

...and waiting..

We made our phone calls&' waited some more. 

Of course the nurse came in to check blood pressure&' such, but she was struggling with keeping a heart monitor on Graeson. (My baby boy HATED the monitors. He kicks them off, wiggles away, ANYTHING he can do to get away from them.) Unfortunately, that wasn't okay, since they absolutely had to watch his heart rate because of the Pitocin. We had had him on a monitor for quite sometime, but of course he moved again&' we had to resort to an internal fetal monitor. 

I was progressing slowly, but at a satisfactory rate, so now we had to wait some more. I did pretty well with contractions until I was dilated to about a 4.5&' that's when I started struggling. 

My original birth plan had stated that I wanted minimal pain killers&' that I didn't want a epidural unless I requested. Because of that, I was placed on Fetanyl for a short time. (They can't give you the pain killer after a 7 because it can hurt the baby at that point.) The nurse informed me that since my water had broken, I could get an epidural at any time, if I chose too. Close to 2:00 or so, 5cm dilated, I opted for it. 

(Just a little side note -- For anyone that knows my husband, he is absolutely terrified of needles. When I say terrified, I mean TERRIFIED. Clammy hands, looses all color in his face, almost passes out, type deal. He had the option to let my mom be in the room with me when I got the epidural, but he was determined to be there with me. Pale face&' all. He did AMAZING.)

I am NOT going to talk about my epidural. It was not a good experience for me&' I'm leaving it at that. 

I had family stop in&' out through out the day to check up on my well being&' such (which I greatly appreciate; as much as I love my husband&' watching hours of 'Four Weddings' &'answering the question 'What would you rate your pain at right now?' I really needed normal conversation.)

terrible photo of me; jussssttt waiting.

Maybe an hour or so after my epidural, they decided to turn off my Pitocin because with every contraction, Graeson's heart rate would drop. They needed to give him some time to rest&' of course make sure he was okay. They also put me on some oxygen, just to help my system out a little bit. 

Once they felt okay with Grae's heart rate&' such, they turned back on my Pitocin&' I seemed to progress quickly after that. In just a few short hours, I progressed from a 7 to a 9. At about 8:25, we made our phone calls/text messages&' the nurses started setting up&' called my doctor. My nurse decided to wait another half hour or so, just to let my body do it's thing so labor wouldn't be as hard as it could be. 

As 9:20 rolled around, my doctor had arrived&' I was ready to push. We said our 'I love you' s to our family members&' they left to go wait for the good news. 

Finally, after a little more than an hour of pushing, at 10:34pm,

Graeson David Hunter
10.34pm
7 pounds 14 ounces; 20.5 inches long.

 my baby boy was here. They placed my baby boy on my chest&' I couldn't believe how perfect this moment was. Kaleb&' I were both sobbing&' so thrilled. Kaleb did an amazing job, holding my hand (and my leg) coaching me through every contraction&' reminding me how much he loved me. I only asked him to stop talking once! That should say a lot! Hahah. He cut Graeson's cord&' couldn't stop marveling at how beautiful our baby boy was.  

They double checked Graeson to make sure he was healthy&' such, took his weight, length (7lbs 14oz. and 20.5 inches long) &' all of those tests they do. They had to call in respiratory support because he wasn't breathing as well as they would have liked, but he was just fine; he's just not a loud baby!

Once we were sure that Grae was okay&' such, the proud father made his was out to go tell everyone that Graeson was FINALLY here. I heard all of their excited cries from the delivery room&' my heart just swelled. They made their way in the room&' immediately started oohing&' ahhing at this amazing miracle. Tears&' laughter&' hugs filled the room as everyone congratulated us. 

The Hunter family has grown by two feet. 

I never realized how much I loved your father... Until I saw how much he loved you.

first bath. I am not a happy boy.

I cannot begin to explain the overwhelming love I have for this little boy. I want to thank the amazing staff at Riverton Hospital for taking such good care of us during our stay, and again, thank you to all the family&' friends that are standing beside us, supporting&' loving us. 

Graeson is a week&' five days old&' everyday I love him more&' more. Each day, I get to see more of his darling, feisty personality&' every day, I can't believe how perfect he is. 

I am so blessed. 

xo-- 

The Hunter family.  

!!!!!!

O.K. no need to freak out, but in just a few short (really slow, draaaggggiiinnngggg) days, our baby boy will be here!

I can't believe it!(: I'm so excited for our little family to start, for serious! This has been a really long pregnancy (almost the whole year) and I am ready to be D O N E.

I'm excited for the future&' all that it holds for us. This next year is going to be the best EVER.

xo