Dear 16 to 18 Year Old Self--
For starters, BRACE YOURSELF. These few years are going to be REALLY REALLY hard. You're going to get your heart broken more than once (and not just by that boy you love.) and you're going to be really stupid and make some big BIG mistakes.
Don't blame yourself for everything. That person you trusted&' made your whole world fall apart for awhile? What he did is NOT your fault. And it's gonna hurt like hell for a long long time. You're going to get angry&' I mean REALLY angry. It's going to turn your world upside down&' make those dark nights seem even darker, but hold on. It will get better. Not right away, or a week later, but it really will. Always talk about it. And remember to survive. You're not the victim of this story.
Due to the aforementioned douche bag, you're going to be a pretty big b*tch to your family. And it's going to happen a lot. DON'T. Just don't. You need to remember that they are hurting too&' they need you to be supportive&' loving right back. They're too good for you pretty much all the time&' there is going to come a point when you'll get an emotional b*tchslap&' realize that. But you can try&' avoid it.
That boy that you're POSITIVE you're going to marry? WRONG. He's actually a pretty big jerk, just like your mom said (even though you'll probably never admit it to her.) Don't go back to him. Just DON'T. You're going to meet another (you'll actually meet a few, but there are three that are very very important) boy that will pick you up, dust you off&' love you unconditionally. He'll turn your world upside down (in a good way) and he'll show you just how strong you can be.
[He's going to break your heart&' you'll break his, but please, bear with me. He's really really important. And he's not a bad guy, even though you'll think he is for a little while.]
The second boy I mentioned? Yeah, that's the one you'll marry. Yes, yes, I know. He'll drive you MAD. He'll make you so angry sometimes, you just want to punch him in the throat. But that craziness he gives you? You're going to end up loving it. So stick with it, okay? His awkwardness is actually going to become your most favorite thing about him. Give him a bit more credit, okay? I promise, it is all worth it. Second chances were made for a reason. (This applies to more than you know.)
There's one more boy that's worth mentioning.. You already know him&' you're actually really good friends with him (for now..) He's going to hurt you big time, break you down, destroy you for a little bit. But one of the most important things in your life is going to happen because of him. So I can't say avoid him. Because the situation that comes of that is going to replace your wishbone, with a backbone. It will just take some time. And a lot of tears. Just know that you can do it. And you'll be okay. I promise.
You're going to make some AMAZING friends&' some not so amazing ones. But they will all help you get where you're going.
There is going to be a moment in time when you (and some of those friends I mentioned earlier) are going to SCREW UP BIG TIME. But this screw up is going to be part of you starting over. It will involve a lot of yelling, a lot of fighting with family&' a lot of emotional turmoil. I would say avoid this situation, but it taught you A LOT.
Try&' laugh more than you cry. It helps with the healing. And please please PLEASE know, that you're going to have bad days. You're going to say things you wish you hadn't. And you're going to do some REALLY stupid things.
You're going to hurt people. And people are going to hurt you. And you're going to have a couple break downs. But during those break downs, you'll learn something about yourself, something those people that have always been on your side were always telling you--
You are strong. You are going to be great. You are loved.
Just keep your head up, crazy girl. You're going to get through these years, albeit, a little shaken, a little bruised... But you've got so many good things ahead of you. I know this warning seems a little on the 'doomsday' side, but you'll be okay. Everything will work out in the end.
You'll learn to forgive people, even if they're not sorry. And you're not done messing up. But you'll learn, slowly but surely. And you're going to hurt some really important people-- when you get the chance to make things better, grab it.
You can't start the next chapter of your life, if you keep rereading the last one.
Love always,
Your 21 year old self.
